It started out as a normal day. I was checking Facebook, seeing what my friends and family were up to. My sister-in-law—my brother’s wife—had posted something that made me do a double take. “Pray for my family,” she said. The comments were pouring in—people were asking what was going on and saying they would pray for her family. I ended up giving her a call. That’s when everything changed.
My brother and sister-in-law had been arrested. They had stolen a car and got caught. Their four-year-old son, Israel, was lethargic, so the cops took him to the hospital. They found drugs in his system, and he came into custody. I couldn’t stop thinking of my little nephew. He was nonverbal, and not potty trained. I was putting on my shoes to go get Israel before I even got off the phone with her.
Family has always been a cornerstone of my life. I was raised by my mother with my brother’s oldest daughter. Though she was my niece, I always considered her my sister.
When Israel was born, he had drugs in his system. My sister-in-law was determined to keep him. She moved to a St. Louis area shelter where she could be monitored and keep Israel with her.
My brother and his wife got back on their feet. They were doing well; they had housing, and with social security, they could survive. We started seeing them less often, but I made sure to get over there at least once a month to check on him. It fell on me to keep our parents updated.
Later that year, my mom and niece (my brother’s oldest daughter, who I was raised with) came to live with me. My brother was coming around more, bringing nice gifts for his daughter’s birthday—he and his wife were over all the time. We figured they were still on drugs but thought maybe there would be a turning point. That’s when the arrest happened
When I learned that Israel had entered foster care, I thought I’d just be able to pick him up. I had no idea there was a whole process, like background checks. I didn’t know that Israel had been placed with his grandparents for a few days before he came to me, and I truly believed that I was only going to be babysitting for a while. My brother and sister-in-law made it sound like I’d just give Israel back to them.
I’m the youngest in my family and the only girl. I’m the only one who was unmarried, and the only one with just one child. I felt as though, by the grace of God, I was the chosen one for this. My mom assured me that if I took Israel in, she would help me. My other siblings were so supportive. Deciding to take Israel was no problem at all—it was the easy part. What was hard was finding out all the rules as I went along. In fact, I’m still finding them out now.
Israel’s parents are drug addicts. They wanted him back because they were getting income from him, but they weren’t taking care of him. They kept him inside with the windows covered and he never got to interact with other kids or adults. He was four, but had the skills of a newborn baby.
Once I realized Israel was going to stay with us long term, we started having so many different meetings. The Coalition’s Families United team helped me get licensed. It was all so overwhelming, but they kept me on track, even when I was dealing with harassment from Israel’s biological mom, my sister-in-law. It got to the point where I was ready to give up—I wasn’t going to mess up my other child’s life. The police were coming to my house so often that they started doing wellness checks on me, all because Israel’s parents were harassing me. As a member of the Black community, even though I had nothing to be afraid of, it was terrifying when the State would come by.
Finally, I was connected with a new caseworker from Youth in Need. Cassidy was the first person who I felt like was on my team. She recognized that Israel’s bio mom and dad were not doing what they needed to do for reunification to happen. And yet, they kept getting visits. The harassment kept happening. My family started looking at me differently, like I was the one who should be punished. It took a huge toll on me, but I knew I had to do the right thing for Israel.
After two years of back and forth, Israel’s mom and dad stopped coming to their visits. The only time I’ve seen my brother since then was at my niece’s college graduation. We don’t have a relationship anymore.
I love my brother, and I want him to get better, but Israel is safe with me. When I first got him, he couldn’t feed himself, couldn’t run, was terrified to touch snow. He went through withdrawal. I finally got him the medical care he needed, like his first visit to the dentist. He was officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and asthma.
I built a community of support around us. I don’t like to ask for help, but I knew I could not do it alone. Edna Green, my Relative Support Specialist from the Coalition, was a huge part of that. Edna helped me through one of the hardest times of my life. She connected me to resources I didn’t know existed, like ReFresh for clothing and Little Wishes for gifts. Edna knew what services Israel could get from the Department of Mental Health around his diagnosis and even helped his teachers understand his needs so that they would treat him like any other student. They saw Edna coming and knew she meant business! Edna is blessing in our lives.
Israel and I started at the very beginning together. I got him a highchair and started teaching him the basics. There was no choice to be made about it: this is my nephew, and I was going to take care of him.
Israel just turned nine and is the sweetest kid you’ll ever meet. He loves giving hugs! He goes to the same school as his cousins, and they play together all the time. He’s very artistic—he can draw absolutely anything and hum a tune once he hears the first part. My daughter is now 13, and we do everything together. He goes to the movies with my mom and other siblings on the weekends. The whole family pitches in.
When I officially adopted Israel in July 2024, after four years of dealing with so much drama and heartache, I was relived that there would finally be less drama. It felt like a fresh start.
Throughout my journey with Israel, the fact that I was doing a good deed for a child who needed me kept me strong. It kept me patient. I’m blessed and thankful to have Israel in my life—after all, he’s a pretty cool kid!
Pictured at top: Israel (right) attends school with his cousin, Charlie.