Does Anyone Out There Have Any Idea What We Should Be Doing Right Now?

Seriously, please, please, please tell me I am not alone. That I have not gone completely off the deep end. That at least someone else is as confused, frustrated, morally-torn, and exhausted as I, trying to figure out where we are at with all of this?

Triple this if you are parenting, Quadruple it if you are fostering and Quintuple it if you have teens. You can’t even agree what to have for dinner much less if it is okay to do whatever is being asked of you to give consent to in that moment. Oh yeah, I see you from here…shaking your head, slapping your forehead, looking at the ceiling, wanting to scream (but doing so only in your head), “You think you are the only one who wants to get out of here and run around freely???” Kid, give me a break!!!

To help ride this out, take some time to figure out what your values/boundaries are around all of this. What does your family believe is safe? What boundaries has your family established for itself and the community? What are the expectations and why? Rules without reasons are just a means of control. Reasons give a sense of purpose, a sense of a greater belonging. Have a discussion so that your decisions do not appear arbitrary or inconsistent. Be prepared to listen, validate the difficult feelings that will accompany restrictions, negotiate when possible and use creativity liberally! Let the youth come up with compromises whenever possible as well.

A word of caution, if you are fostering, you may want to use the words “Family Values” carefully when discussing the situation. “Boundaries” may be a better choice of words. Family Values could present a powerful loyalty/comparative struggle for the youth between the biological family values and your own which in most cases will be painful and unproductive. Your Home can have Boundaries much the same as your Family can have Values.

So, now back to some relief from all of this………
My mind recently wandered to the Clash, who has been asking this since 1982:
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble,
And if I stay it will be double.

No help! If the 80’s music didn’t hold the answer, what could?? I was totally at a loss until I came across this video on YouTube. What a RELIEF!!!!! Finally, the ANSWER I, and I think millions of others, have been waiting for! I give you…

Peace, people. Go relax. We’ve got this all figured out.

-Anne Zink, Director of Family Works

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